Market Economics: Intuition
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By Sterling M. Hawkins, MSW, LCSW-C, LICSW
“Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next”.
—Jonas Salk
Have you ever known something without knowing how? Maybe you have experienced a type of knowledge that defies explanation. Sometimes in hindsight, there were hints or subtle clues that when examined more closely appeared connected and formed the basis of your knowledge, when you knew that something you did was right or wrong, good or bad, wise or foolish. Or, perhaps still, you remain clueless as to how or why you knew something. You just felt it. In my first two essays, I examined two characteristics— Patience and Gratitude, that should be present in all healthy marriages and long-term partnerships. Like the first two essays, I will continue here to use concepts found in economic theory to illustrate how human relationships mirror financial markets. I believe the term— intuition has broad application and should be seen as a utility in helping to resolve differences far beyond economics. I will now turn to the third characteristic, “Intuition”.
There are many variables that influence our decisions in the realm of personal finance. Reason and emotion are two such variables that take turns convincing us of one thing or another. They are not enemies as some would have us believe, but collaborators. Each is dependent on the other. They are not mutually exclusive. If they were we would all be automatons or emotional illiterates. Reason and Emotion in healthy persons seek a balanced approach to knowing. They serve as tools that help us improve our effectiveness in resolving complex problems when few rules or objective guidelines exist.
When learning macroeconomics, I was taught what happened to interest rates when certain things shocked an economy. But, when I had to draw graphs and solve equations to work out the answer, intuition became a bit of a misnomer. Problems that do not benefit from intuition are ones that have clear objective criteria, rules, and lots of data with which to perform an analysis. Classic economic models rely on an objective framework to compare and contrast human behavior under conditions both favorable and unfavorable that predict how people will respond to what they observe. Most models generally don’t offer a process or method to solve real-life problems. Therefore, my goal here is simply to illustrate how intuition plays a significant role in the emotional health of marriages and long-term partnerships. I have defined intuition for this essay as— The ability to understand something instinctively without the need for conscious reasoning (Sutton 2020).
What I have learned from working with couples is that it takes a very long time to develop accurate intuitive judgments. According to the research 10 years of repetition and feedback. This may explain why if a marriage or partnership can reach the 10-year mark, the likelihood of a lifetime investment is greatly increased. For intuition to fully develop requires that couples repeatedly engage in making decisions about what is effective or ineffective related to their investments in each other’s lives and receive accurate feedback on whether those investment decisions made for oneself, or their partner are profitable. Over time partners learn to recognize the most important signals both verbal and non-verbal that each sends to the other, ignoring irrelevant information. When these observations are identified and openly discussed, couples can begin resolving problems that interfere with their communication accurately and in intuitive ways.
Psychological theory tells us that feelings are important and essential. And that couples sometimes make decisions that are implicit or not directly expressed to their partner. Adam Smith in 1759 introduced the phrase “ The Invisible Hand” as a metaphor for unseen forces that move the free market economy. The concept says that free markets will determine an equilibrium in the supply and demand for goods, simply by following their self-interest. That is consumers and firms can create an efficient allocation of resources for the whole society.
I believe this term is of limited value when applied to marriage and long-term partnerships, but I wish to stretch the definition in a way that may help to make my point. In marriage and long-term partnerships, couples make decisions about what on the surface would be the most desirable outcomes for their relationship. These decisions as previously stated are often a combination of repetitive practices in addition to how certain decisions made them feel, along with their associated outcomes. In healthy relationships, this says that any harmful or vindictive decision taken against my partner is a violation of their investment in me as their trusted partner. The logic goes something like this— what benefits me should benefit my partner and what benefits my partner should benefit me. This line of reasoning forms the basis of our intuitive process and implies that within a relationship self-interest should translate to good decisions that maximize the quality of the relationship for both partners. Assuming that spouses and partners have defined what they expect from and want from the other and have negotiated what each is willing to invest to meet those expectations, the relationship thrives. While there may be disagreements and issues that threaten the equilibrium of the exchange of goods and services, the relationship is usually able to withstand most threats, that if left unchecked would otherwise lead to a crash.
Intuition is comprised of three variables: Time, Pressure, and learned Heuristics (rules of thumb). First, Time is often required for learning. ( i.e., What happens when I do A-B-C… Z ?). Second, Pressure requires that some decision be made in a short period of time that lacks reliable real-time data for which to make one. And Third, Heuristics (general knowledge) requires that I use mental shortcuts to make general assumptions about decisions that would be too complex for lengthy analysis. (Locke 2020)
Each of these conditions inherently poses some risks when used exclusively for making decisions that have long-term consequences and could lead to errors for couples that use them to solve problems of a gravitas nature. But what happens when we ignore certain feelings, that interfere with communication, or fail to communicate those feelings to our partners, and spouses?
Last year I came across an article that describes what I believe is the root cause of failed markets, or for our purposes failure in marriages and long-term partnerships. The article says that failure in committed relationships occurs when our partners block us when we try to articulate how we feel, fail to listen or acknowledge how certain things impacting the relationship matter to us.
“The real reason for break up lies in one or both spouse’s sense that they have not been heard that something important to them has been disregarded, that their point of view has not, at a fundamental level, been acknowledged or honoured. It doesn’t matter what the subject of this non-hearing happens to be: it could be that they haven’t been heard about their views on money, or on the way the children are being brought up, or on how their weekends should be managed, or on how intimacy occurs or doesn’t occur. It’s feeling unheard for our differences that is unbearable; it’s never the presence of differences per se. . . There’s a big difference between a partner not doing what we want and a partner not hearing what we want. It’s entirely possible that one would remain with someone who doesn’t share most of our interests— so long as they happen to accept and signal an understanding of how much these interests matter to us. . . We just need to make sure that we are people who listen; who when the partner has something very important they need to get across to us, can bear to take things on board, can bear to acknowledge an opposite position, can bear to say: ‘I can see this matters a lot to you… and I will try my hardest to think about it and see what I can do about it. From here, it really doesn’t matter if things radically change or not; the vital work will have been done— and the relationship will have been assured.” (School of Life 2022).
This ability to take on differences not shared by our partner requires patience, gratitude, and intuition. It requires that we explore the reasons those differences exist in the first place, and whether those expressed differences will place a burden on the relationship that is untenable.
Intuition is a form of information processing distinct from analytical reasoning. The latter is slow and methodical, while the former is automatic and quick. While intuitive processes are often developed without conscious awareness, I do believe they can be enhanced. Counseling Psychologist Claire Vowell, Ph.D. notes— “Non-verbal decoding or the reading of body language plays a vital role in intuitive processing. Not only do we read other people’s non-verbal cues to make judgments, but we are also constantly communicating our own internal state, usually without conscious attention.”
In a known economy, some investors become complacent. They rely only on their observed verbal and visual cues of the market. However, what these investors overlook are the emotions that are not seen or heard explicitly. It’s these implicit emotions that drive investor behavior.
In marriage and long-term partnerships, verbal and non-verbal cues form the basis of what we may know about our partner. Oftentimes these are good indicators and predictors of what will happen next. Particularly when the same cues reoccur over time in similar contexts. However, the danger comes when we observe such behaviors without examining their origin or the thoughts underlying the behavior. It’s possible to assume the reason why certain behaviors reoccur without ever getting to the beliefs that precipitate what we observe.
As I sometimes explain to my therapy clients, the conflict is more than what you see and hear, it’s more about what each partner feels and whether they can acknowledge or articulate those feelings within themself to their partner during times of disagreement, and whether those feelings are understood and acknowledged by their partner. This phenomenon within couples’ work is seen in the following fictional example.
Len and Liz have been married for 4 years but are now contemplating separating. They met while performing volunteer work overseas. They dated for about a year prior to marriage. Both report experiencing dissatisfaction within their relationship that began shortly after they married and involved frequent verbal conflict, resentment related to financial priorities, and a physical lack of intimacy. Len reported believing that Liz did not value his role in the relationship, which caused him to become discouraged due to his belief that he was undervalued and dismissed. Len complained that Liz did not consult with him when she made major purchases or when making plans with friends and family. Liz described Len as unforgiving and easily angered. She expressed that Len held deep resentment toward her stemming from his own family-of-origin experiences and was discouraged because she couldn’t be herself in the relationship because she desired to avoid conflict with Len. Liz reported her parents as perfectionists, and that they imposed high expectations on her regarding her appearance, academics, and some social situations. Liz said that she often felt as if she had no voice, indicating that her parents would dismiss her opinions and emotions, especially when these feelings and opinions were at odds with theirs. She accused her father of preferring her older brother to her and that she could never live up to her parents’ high standards. Liz, as a young adult during college and after graduating, sought out friends who were successful and whom she believed would elevate her own sense of identity. She later came to the realization that these friendships were not emotionally nourishing and sought friendships with persons that were more emotionally available. Her beliefs of inferiority led to increased anxiety and dissatisfaction with her weight and general appearance. She became preoccupied with compulsive cleaning and excessive worry about her appearance. When she felt unable to maintain these self-imposed standards or when Len failed to acknowledge them, she would become depressed and verbally withdrawn.
Len reported that his parents divorced when he was about 9 years old and that he remembers that his father was rarely at home. And when he was at home, he was intoxicated and asleep. Len’s mother worked in a food processing plant with rotating shifts. She was gone a lot and Len and his younger sister were often left to fend for themselves. Len remembers that while his mother worked hard, she was cold and bitter, often criticizing him for not being more responsible with completing household chores and looking after his sister. Len said that his mother’s lack of availability and his father’s absence contributed to his reluctance to seek the support of others during times of hardship. Len said that he felt unable to openly state his needs or express opinions within his family system. Len, as a young adult after college, became a business consultant for a small non-profit organization. He liked his job and was well-liked by his colleagues, but attempted to avoid getting close to them on a professional level because he feared becoming vulnerable. And, that others in the organization with more seniority would take advantage of him or attempt to downplay his achievements. As a result, he would often withdraw and become depressed, preferring to work independently and from a distance. The periods of withdrawal contributed to Len’s own use of alcohol at times to cope with work-related stress and to self-medicate depressive symptoms that further strained his relationship with Liz.
What we see in this fictional vignette is that both partners believe they are the recipient of unfair treatment by the other. Liz believes that her partner Len is unforgiving and easily angered. She claims that Len fails to acknowledge her efforts in the marriage and therefore blames him for failing to meet her needs to be affirmed and accepted for who she is. Len too believes his wife Liz does her own thing and fails to consult with him on matters he believes he should have input, and therefore feels devalued. Both express anxiety on certain occasions and become mildly depressed when communication breaks down.
Two things are required of both partners at this point if they are to address the underlying drivers of their reactive behaviors. Therapy with this couple is best done by helping Len and Liz become self-aware of their underlying emotions and better equipped to learn how to be responsive and not reactive to what they are feeling through exercises that focus on self-management. Intuition requires that there be a shared knowledge of oneself and one’s partner. And, most importantly how to articulate this shared knowledge in ways that heal and strengthen their connection with each other. This process of restoration yields gross revenues for vested partners. The process itself begins with identifying types of emotions that trigger a thought or an emotional response. Len and Liz must learn to identify certain types of emotions (responsive vs. reactive emotions) that occur when disagreements begin to show themselves. Once they are able to differentiate types of emotions that trigger specific thoughts or behaviors, they must trace the origin of these emotions and expressions to the purpose these emotions and expressions served when they first appeared.
All couples in long-term commitments regardless of whether they are experiencing conflicts in their communication or not must learn what in the present, they are unaware of. This lack of awareness is often difficult to accept. As humans, we pride ourselves on being knowledgeable and keeping score. Particularly if we’ve experienced adverse consequences for failing to do otherwise. The process of becoming more intuitive requires couples to unlearn some of what they think they know. And, to discover why their thoughts generate powerful emotions that are expressed in ways that either help the relationship grow stronger and more resistant to destructive forces or serve to weaken it and the emotional and physical bonds that enable stability.
The process of becoming more intuitive involves some risks because it requires a willingness for partners to be fully known, and bear the discomfort and vulnerability associated with exploring how to reinvest in their relationship in ways that promote satisfaction and sustainable growth.
7 Key Points to Remember:
Economic Intuition is a way of thinking and should be seen as a utility in helping us to resolve differences far beyond economics.
Problems that do not benefit from intuition are ones that have clear objective criteria, rules, and lots of data.
Intuition plays a significant role in the emotional health of marriages and long-term partnerships.
Failure in committed relationships occurs when we fail to listen or acknowledge how certain things impacting the relationship matter to us.
Non-verbal decoding or the reading of body language plays a vital role in intuitive processing.
All couples in long-term commitments must learn what in the present they are unaware of.
The process of becoming more intuitive involves some risks because it requires a willingness for partners to be fully known.
In the fourth and final essay, I will explore what it means to be teachable. And how without being teachable your best efforts to preserve your marriage or long-term partnership will likely fail.
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References:
Jeremy Sutton, “What Is Intuition and Why Is It Important? 5 Examples.” Positive Psychology, https://positivepsychology.com/intuition/#:~:text=Intuition%20is%20that%20feeling%20in,or%20fear%2C%20in%20another's%20face, August 27, 2020.
Connson Chou Locke, “When It’s Safe to Rely on Intuition: and When It’s Not.” Harvard Business Review, https://hbr.org/2015/04/when-its-safe-to-rely-on-intuition-and-when-its-not,
April 30, 2015.
“Why Some Couples Last and Some Don’t.” The School of Life, https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/why-some-couples-last-and-some-dont/, February 23, 2022.