Ambivalence: the problem with too many choices
By Sterling Hawkins, MSW, LICSW, LCSW-C
Years ago, written correspondence occurred only with pen and paper. Then came the typewriter, followed by simple mainframe computers, which were replaced with personal computers and most recently surpassed by smart phones and software packages that require installations, updates, and operating systems that “talk to one another.” We now have Androids, iPhones, and other wireless forms of communication, all tools for the goal of simplifying our lives. However, when we examine current technologies, our desire for simplicity comes at a great psychological and emotional cost: People are now taking longer to make up their minds about choices that were once settled quickly and decisively. To a large degree our indecision can be blamed on our bewildering array of choices, along with the multitude of products and services that both entice and confuse us. We can waiver about everything. I asked myself why?
To some extent, I believe this indecision reflects uncertainty about one’s self and about what one needs. The tech Industry promotes that personal computers, mobile devices and the digital platforms available are now essential for fluid communication . They promise that personal technology will move us forward, increasing our confidence and certainty with respect to “choice” in what to eat, what to wear, what to buy. On the contrary, many developing technologies have only brought more choices, more data, and more anxiety.
As humans we often resist painful choices, and the psychological costs are that we defer decisions on what to think, and how to act. When we have more choices available to us, there are more opportunities for us to regret our decisions, particularly when we are not satisfied with the outcome.
Dr. Barry Schwartz, professor of Psychology at Swarthmore College, suggests that “One way to tackle the choice program is to become comfortable with the idea- ‘good enough.’”
This concept examines the question of personal values and beliefs. Am I making this choice because of what my peers think or the cultural zeitgeist is telling me to ? Is this what I want? Are my decisions reflecting my personal beliefs and values? Do existing social and cultural norms support the independent choices I am making? And, are these choices “good enough” for what I want to accomplish? To achieve a high level of satisfaction with this approach requires that persons caught in the choice dilemma examine and determine what they value in life, what they love, who they love, and what will leave a lasting impact on what they need, as well as the things they can leave behind. So if you find yourself wrestling with ambivalence and decision paralysis, how can you learn to skillfully make decisions more effectively?
In his book the Power of Less, Leo Babauta provides us with some questions we should ask ourselves about how to determine what is personally vital and what is non-essential:
What are your values? Values are simply knowing what things are most important to you. Think about the things that really matter to you, the qualities you want to have, the principles you want to live your life by. Once you’ve identified these values, everything you do and choose should follow from those.
What do you love? Think about what you love, whom you love to spend time with, and what you love to do.
Eliminate the non-essentials. Sometimes it is useful to work backward, if you’re having trouble figuring out the essentials. If you have a list of things to do, for example, start by crossing off the non-essential items. Once you eliminate the non-essential stuff, you are left with the essential things on the list.
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Tugend, A. (2010) Too many choices: A problem that can paralyze. New York Times . Retrieved on 24 January 2019. Available at https:// www.nytimes.com/2010/02/27/your-money/27shortcuts.html
Knowing what you value, love, and need and reminding yourself of these things on a regular basis will allow you to make choices that reflect what is truly important to you. Decisions will then become easier, and as they do, the more likely you are to hold true to those choices and to find effective ways to work through challenges.